I have been missing from my blog for some time now. I needed to express my energies right now before I go insane. In 2019 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer that metastasized to my liver. This was the biggest blow to my life I can ever imagine. Cancer was the last thing I thought I would ever have but then again who thinks of cancer being apart of their life. I went to the emergency room thinking “This must be food poisoning” or anything else besides cancer. When I and my wife learned this was shocked and in disbelief. The doctor came and told us this with the saddest, most disheartening look on his face like he was so sad he had to say this to anyone. I’m sure it was hard on him but I was sitting there trying to process what he was saying to me because I surely know he just didn’t say that I had cancer and stage 4 at that. This May of 2019.
From May 2019 to about July 2019 was I was in the hospital and off of work. I started chemotherapy as soon as I found I had cancer. We found a chemo treatment that was targeted for specific cancer that I have. This was happening every three weeks. I was fine, going to treatment and work. I had made the best of my situation. During this time I was going to treatment, the cancer was shrinking in my liver and was continuing to go to work. This was a time I kept my positive vibes up and stayed away from anything that was negative. I decided that now I don’t have time for crazy shit in my life. Not trying to be mean or sound mean but fuck your feelings mines are more important. We all are going to die but knowing that it may come sooner because of a medical condition makes you rethink a lot of things about life. I want to live as long as I can but it really makes you think about your life and family.
2020 comes along. Welcome COVID 19 to the picture. Now we can’t go outside besides me going to work. The last day I was at work was March 30. March 31 I had a seizure, which scared the crap out of my wife. I had a seizure and then put on a ventilator till April 3 not knowing if I will make it or wake up. Then I had five days of radiation. At this time it was not known if cancer moved to my brain. During this time I was scared as shit. No visitors and not knowing my full situation was so crazy. Come home on April 6 to living a new life. The radiation made me feel worse than just doing chemo. I have morphine to take, who takes morphine? I received an update from my oncologist on my PET scan that I recently did and found out that there is a new spot in my liver, cancer was found in my spinal cord, neck., and in my lower back. This explains the pain I have been having. So now we not allowed to go anywhere which doesn’t help someone who is trying to get and be better. We are making the most of our situation. I just needed to get some things off my chest. I will return. #ONELOVE #CANCERSUCKS #FUCKCANCER